Setting Boundaries for Founders
My name is Annemarie, and I am a founder with a passion for transforming traditional after-school programs into comprehensive, year-round expanded learning models. At the age of 22, I pioneered a new concept that moved beyond typical latchkey programming. Our story begins with a small, drop-in after-school center housed by a local church.
Legend has it that a group of energetic kids would often stop by the church on their way home from school, causing quite a commotion. The church staff, hoping for some peace, started locking the doors to keep them out. One day, a forward-thinking minister returned from a meeting to find the doors bolted shut. Puzzled, he asked the staff why. Their response was simple: “To keep the kids out.” The minister, reflecting on his faith, questioned, “Is that what Jesus would do?”
With that, the church doors swung open, and the kids were warmly welcomed inside. Thus, "Open Doors" was born. For a decade, it operated as a ministry of the church, providing a safe haven and learning space for the children.
In 2002, the church began to envision a future where the program could grow beyond its religious roots. When I was offered the position of director, I thought it would be a temporary role before I launched my "real career." Little did I know, this opportunity would lead me on an almost two-decade journey. Despite my belief that this would simply be a stepping stone, I ended up dedicating my early career to building a statewide recognized model for high-quality expanded learning, establishing myself as a leader in the nonprofit sector.
My journey with ODA has been one of incredible growth, not just for the program, but for myself as well. What started as a modest after-school drop-in program has blossomed into a beacon of hope and learning for countless children, demonstrating the power of community, faith, and perseverance. Yet, that is only one side of the coin.
It's safe to say I cut my teeth at ODA. I honed my skills in fundraising, program development, and infrastructure growth. I created incredible opportunities for both youth and staff, mastered financial analysis, developed robust data management systems, and built a strong public image for the organization. However, my journey was far from perfect.
I frequently stumbled, making significant errors in team management. My focus on maintaining control over what I had built often led me to neglect the development of those around me. Fear of losing control and decisions driven by emotion rather than logic were common pitfalls. No matter how hard I tried to escape the image of the founder, my shadow always loomed large.
Fourteen years into my tenure at ODA, the board suggested I work with an executive coach to improve my leadership skills, particularly with my senior team. This experience was enlightening, teaching me valuable skills and increasing my awareness of how my behavior affected others. Yet, even with extensive coaching, I continued to struggle. Why? There were two main reasons.
First, our behavior is influenced by both our individual traits and the environment. Despite my efforts to develop new skills, the environment often pulled me back into old habits. It was easy to practice my new behaviors and skills when there were not stressors present, but under stress the environment would drag me back to my default responses. Even when I demonstrated changed behavior, it was hard for the team to trust that real change had occurred. Second, my underlying motivation for influencing others. Korn Ferry identifies three core motivators to influencing others: achievement, power, and affiliation. For me, achievement often overshadowed social power or affiliative motives. I am an overachiever and I thrive in completing tasks and superseding goals. In the beginning this was an incredible skill that allowed me to build the organization and expand its’ reach. However, this also resulted in me often prioritizing my own goals over those of others. Having spent years building a comprehensive youth development model, it was incredibly difficult to trust others with the success I had achieved. No one could do it better than me, I knew it all and preferred that others just followed suit. I don’t lead this way anymore (thank goodness) and it is a gut punch to reflect back on it, but it is part of my journey. I have spoken with many other founders who have had similar experiences and the reality is we put founders on a pedestal, we ask them to sacrifice much to everything to realize a vision for change. We create a mindset that says “no one else can do this job” and over the years we begin to believe it. And I am not alone.
Recently, I worked closely with a founder who had a beautiful vision for serving youth. However, a lack of business acumen and understanding of nonprofit operations led him to failure. Despite assembling a capable team, he became scared and insecure when they began to outpace him. In his protect-and-preserve mode, he lost everything he had built, leaving behind a failing organization and a wounded ego.
A few years ago, I served on a board where the founder's need for control led to threatening and verbally abusing board members. He refused to do the necessary work for the organization's progress, resulting in his termination. Although the organization sustained for a few more years, it eventually merged with a larger operation and is now thriving.
In hindsight, I've realized that being a founder is revolutionary and cutting-edge initially. However, over time, tunnel vision develops, our identity becomes entangled with the work, and we struggle to prioritize the organization's best interests. I believe founder's syndrome is not an occasional condition but an inherent part of the nonprofit development process.
When I left ODA, I was six months pregnant (and an old mom-to-be at that). I had a difficult pregnancy and realized quickly that I couldn’t give my best to my newest bundle on the way if I was still maintaining a tight grip on my first baby. Letting that first baby go was one of the single most difficult things I have ever done. I felt like I had lost my identity and now I am standing in my kitchen holding a newborn who won’t stop crying. My body has been terrorized, and I am crying uncontrollably for no reason other than I believe I have already broken my child because he hasn’t had a bowel movement in 12 hours. I remember crying to my mother that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. It took a good year or two before I found my grounding again. It was painful and hard, and to be honest, when I reflect on some of those moments where I didn’t make the best decisions—not because I wasn’t a good leader, but rather because I was too emotionally wrapped up in all of it and couldn’t see the bigger picture—those memories continue to be painful.
I've often said I should have left ODA five years earlier, but it likely should have been seven. As I continue to watch good people make really bad decisions as a result of this tunnel vision, I can’t help but wonder, why don’t we plan more for this? Why aren’t boards required to develop a transition plan for the founder after so many years? Normalizing this transition and setting up a clear process and plan well ahead of the cliff can help organizations thrive, allow the founder a graceful and honorable transition, and ensure that the organization is able to grow beyond the reach of the one who birthed it. Imagine if you were a founder and knew that in five years you were going to transition the organization because that is what you and the board agree is best. In those five years, you are going to accomplish four major goals and build a team around you that you trust to carry it forward. It just makes sense. Why do we wait until we hit a breaking point? Or why don’t we do anything, letting the founder serve 30 years in their one big role? As a result, the team often can’t make their own decisions, and the organization stales because new ideas are not welcomed. Why do we hold on so tightly to the founder? Especially when we all know the reality: in 99% of situations, the founder will move on or out, and the organization will continue to exist.
->Stay fierce, stay focused, and keep blazing those trails!
