Bentgo Boxes, Work Trips, & the Guilt that Won’t Quit!

For the past five years, I’ve been part of an incredible gym community that’s much more than just a group of workout buddies — it’s a sisterhood of strong, inspiring women. For the last three or four years, I’ve attended the same daily class, where I found my “crew.” Seven of us, ranging in age from 21 to 60, have forged a bond through sweat, laughter, and the shared journey of supporting each other through life’s big moments.

This past year alone has been a whirlwind: two of us got married, one was accepted into medical school, another took on a new job, and one started her own company. Just last weekend, we gathered to celebrate a baby shower for one of our crew who’s expecting twin girls. We sat together, enjoying an over-the-top spread of food, sharing our “pearls of wisdom” for the journey of motherhood. Only three of us had gone through it, so we found ourselves balancing the delicate act of sharing insights without overwhelming our soon-to-be-mom or those who haven’t yet taken that step.

But sitting there, I realized just how much I wish someone had been more real with me before I was in the thick of motherhood. Here are a few unfiltered truths I’ve come to learn — things no one prepared me for:

1. The Soul-Crushing Lunch Routine
   No one told me how even the small task of making preschool lunches every day could drain me, especially when it involves fitting healthy, nut-free options into perfectly slotted Bentgo boxes. I struggle to keep up with the image of a mom who has it all together, especially on days I feel I’m falling short.

2. Leaving for Work, Leaving Guilt Behind (Or Trying To)
   Packing my suitcase for a work trip while my son cries at the door is heart-wrenching, but sometimes, if I’m honest, the idea of two nights to myself feels like relief. And then I feel guilty — for both the relief and the absence. How much am I allowed to need a break before it feels selfish?

3. Friendships Shift, and So Does How I Spend My Free Time
   Girls' night used to sound fun, but now even the thought of getting dressed up and going out feels exhausting. My friendships have changed, and I find myself seeking different things from them. It’s as if the idea of “recharging” means something different now — sometimes, it’s just a quiet night in.

4. The Juggling Act of Resentment and Guilt
   There’s an unspoken resentment in doing “everything” at times and feeling frustrated with my husband for relaxing when I’m in constant motion. But then, I feel guilty when he steps in to help with things I feel I should handle. It’s a strange tug-of-war between wanting help and wanting control.

5. Marriage After Kids is a Whole New Balancing Act
   Everyone warns you that marriage takes work, but no one quite prepares you for how that shifts once you have kids. The partnership becomes less about romance and more about the daily grind, where exhaustion and unspoken frustrations creep in as we both carry the weight of parenting. I wish there were a guide on how to navigate this rapid change or an honest map for this new terrain. I feel such guilt about not being able to be my pre-mom self with my husband. 

When I started writing this post, I thought it would be a lighthearted list of daily “mom-isms.” But the more I reflected, the clearer it became: my feelings boiled down to one central theme — guilt. The quiet, insidious kind that no one talks about openly but every mom feels. 

Mom guilt is that unshakable feeling that whatever you do, it’s never quite enough. It’s the voice in my head questioning every decision, asking if I’m doing right by my children, or missing critical moments I can’t get back. As I write this, I realize that when I am overwhelmed with the boys and they are asking for one more thing, I can often catch myself saying, “doesn’t mommy do enough already” or “how much do you need mommy to do – I am very tired.”  It’s the voice in your head that questions every decision, wondering if you’re doing right by your child, balancing work and family, or missing a critical moment you can’t get back. It shows up in the quiet moments, like when I am leaving for a work trip and my little one is standing at the trunk of my car with tears in his eyes begging me not to go or when I take a rare night for myself and feel a wave of guilt for not being at home, and often don’t enjoy myself.

Mom guilt is feeling torn between the fierce love for my family and the natural pull of my own needs, goals, and sometimes just a moment of rest. This pressure to "do it all" as a mom is ingrained in us, with expectations to sacrifice our identities and dreams for our children’s needs. I vividly remember holding my newborn for the first time, and my father casually asking, “How could you even think about going back to work?” followed by, “How could you leave this baby?”  No one asked my husband the same question.

It’s as if motherhood demands we somehow give up pieces of ourselves, and when we don’t, the guilt is there to fill the gap. It’s a quiet, constant pressure that can be so hard to shake. But maybe by acknowledging it openly, by saying “this is real,” we can start to let go of the impossible standards — and redefine what being a good mom really looks like, on our own terms.